By Klikd
Oct 15th, 2025
4 min read
Can you check your child’s device?
Content provided by Klikd; helping parents, educators, children, and teens cultivate safer, more productive relationships with technology.
Snoop, spy or just plain smart?
Not every person your child meets on the internet can or will harm them, but the fact remains that wherever kids are playing online, so are child predators. You are not snooping on your child when you check their device, you are keeping them safe. If your child want’s privacy, they can have a journal, they can call a friend in person and have a long private chat. Devices are not private. Diaries are.
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Real life friendships are private, but devices are not places for keeping secrets.
You wouldn’t let your child start swimming without armbands and in when it comes to checking your child’s device, you are not a snoop, you are the armbands!
From the get go we need a little agreement between us and them that says “ from time to time I will check your device to see that they are doing okay and that the people they are hanging out with are treating you well…and of course that you are being a lekker human too”.
What must I do?
- Agree ahead of time if possible that you will be checking in their online interactions, not looking for mistakes, not spying on who is hooking up with whom, just checking in.
- If your child has been online for a while, it is not too late to say “I’ve thought about it and going forward and from time to time I am going to ask to see your phone to just make sure all is good in your online world. I am not spying and I am not trying to catch you out. My job as your parent is to keep you safe and this is one way of doing it. Can we agree on that?”
- Most importantly on the first few occasions that you check your child’s phone, PRAISE PRAISE and more PRAISE. “I love how you responded to Josh missing his match” or “Gee that’s a fun set of emoji’s you’ve collected” or “that’s a cool meme -did you make it”. The idea is for your child to experience the phone checking as a time of connection not just a time of judgement and persecution.
- If your child doesn’t agree to showing you his/her device in the moment of asking, then plain and simply they are not ready for a device –it’s just part of the deal. In the same way that brushing teeth is not up for debate, neither is showing you their phone.
- As you start to see a trend in the way your child connects online and as you begin to trust that they are showing up with kindness and caution, you can begin to check on them less. Tell them “I can see you are getting this right, I am super proud of how you show up with your best self-online and offline.”
What must I say?
A few ways to have this conversation around checking in on your child’s online world could go like this:
- “Hey, I’ve been thinking about how you are socialising online and I am good with that. But not everyone is who they say they are online so from time to time I’m going to check out some of your online chats to make sure you are safe. I trust you. I am not sure I trust everyone else out there.”
- “I am also going to see how you are showing up online with your friends. I know you want your privacy and I respect that – a device though is not a place for privacy – a device is just a tool that needs to have a degree of openness about it. If you want privacy I will never intrude on a real life call you are having with your friend. You can also keep all your private thoughts and feelings in a journal and I will also never ask to see that but your device is different. Once I see that you are showing up with your best self and that you are safe, I will check less. I want you to remember I am not spying on you, I am not looking to catch you out, I am just checking in that all is good in your online world”.
This opens the door for dialogue and emphasises that the intention is safety, not spying and not control.
Once you begin checking in on your child’s device remember to begin with praise!
- “I love how you handled that situation with your friend. I love how you opted for kind instead of cruel in that moment.”
This focuses on praise and encourages your child to discuss their actions in a positive light.
- “I noticed you’ve collected some really fun emojis and memes!”
By focusing on something light-hearted, this helps your child associate phone checks with positive interactions rather than feeling judged by you.
- “What do you think are some fair boundaries for us when it comes to me checking your phone? How can we make this process feel fair for both of us?”
This encourages your child to participate in setting the rules, making them feel respected and involved.
Can you check your child’s device?
By Klikd
Oct 15th, 2025
4 min read
Content provided by Klikd; helping parents, educators, children, and teens cultivate safer, more productive relationships with technology.
Snoop, spy or just plain smart?
Not every person your child meets on the internet can or will harm them, but the fact remains that wherever kids are playing online, so are child predators. You are not snooping on your child when you check their device, you are keeping them safe. If your child want’s privacy, they can have a journal, they can call a friend in person and have a long private chat. Devices are not private. Diaries are.
Real life friendships are private, but devices are not places for keeping secrets.
You wouldn’t let your child start swimming without armbands and in when it comes to checking your child’s device, you are not a snoop, you are the armbands!
From the get go we need a little agreement between us and them that says “ from time to time I will check your device to see that they are doing okay and that the people they are hanging out with are treating you well…and of course that you are being a lekker human too”.
What must I do?
- Agree ahead of time if possible that you will be checking in their online interactions, not looking for mistakes, not spying on who is hooking up with whom, just checking in.
- If your child has been online for a while, it is not too late to say “I’ve thought about it and going forward and from time to time I am going to ask to see your phone to just make sure all is good in your online world. I am not spying and I am not trying to catch you out. My job as your parent is to keep you safe and this is one way of doing it. Can we agree on that?”
- Most importantly on the first few occasions that you check your child’s phone, PRAISE PRAISE and more PRAISE. “I love how you responded to Josh missing his match” or “Gee that’s a fun set of emoji’s you’ve collected” or “that’s a cool meme -did you make it”. The idea is for your child to experience the phone checking as a time of connection not just a time of judgement and persecution.
- If your child doesn’t agree to showing you his/her device in the moment of asking, then plain and simply they are not ready for a device –it’s just part of the deal. In the same way that brushing teeth is not up for debate, neither is showing you their phone.
- As you start to see a trend in the way your child connects online and as you begin to trust that they are showing up with kindness and caution, you can begin to check on them less. Tell them “I can see you are getting this right, I am super proud of how you show up with your best self-online and offline.”
What must I say?
A few ways to have this conversation around checking in on your child’s online world could go like this:
- “Hey, I’ve been thinking about how you are socialising online and I am good with that. But not everyone is who they say they are online so from time to time I’m going to check out some of your online chats to make sure you are safe. I trust you. I am not sure I trust everyone else out there.”
- “I am also going to see how you are showing up online with your friends. I know you want your privacy and I respect that – a device though is not a place for privacy – a device is just a tool that needs to have a degree of openness about it. If you want privacy I will never intrude on a real life call you are having with your friend. You can also keep all your private thoughts and feelings in a journal and I will also never ask to see that but your device is different. Once I see that you are showing up with your best self and that you are safe, I will check less. I want you to remember I am not spying on you, I am not looking to catch you out, I am just checking in that all is good in your online world”.
This opens the door for dialogue and emphasises that the intention is safety, not spying and not control.
Once you begin checking in on your child’s device remember to begin with praise!
- “I love how you handled that situation with your friend. I love how you opted for kind instead of cruel in that moment.”
This focuses on praise and encourages your child to discuss their actions in a positive light.
- “I noticed you’ve collected some really fun emojis and memes!”
By focusing on something light-hearted, this helps your child associate phone checks with positive interactions rather than feeling judged by you.
- “What do you think are some fair boundaries for us when it comes to me checking your phone? How can we make this process feel fair for both of us?”
This encourages your child to participate in setting the rules, making them feel respected and involved.
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